You Can Do/Be Anything

By Carrie Fleharty

The New Year is here, and it’s time to begin the New Year with a purpose. That purpose could be that you want to be more organized, accomplish specific goals, get out of debt, or even lose weight. No matter what it is, the time is now to begin, and there can be no excuses. The excuses have to go away now.  Whenever you hear yourself start to say the word “but” then know that an excuse is about to form. Excuses are just another way we trick ourselves in providing a way out of not getting something we want, or putting blocks in the roadway and keeping us from moving forward.

Pay attention to what you want and desire. Keep your eyes on that target as the command center says to the pilots of the fighter jets attempting to bring down the death star, “Stay on target! Stay on target!” You must stay on target, but let’s stay on target with a positive focus and a positive perspective. Within this state of positiveness will allow us to be successful in our endeavors. Decide what it is that you desire of the New Year for you to become a new you. Becoming a new you is an important decision.

Once you have decided what you want for you in this New Year write it down. Write it down with only positive words. If your goal is to lose 20 pounds, then write it down as this: “I am feeling lighter and healthier every day, and I chose to eat healthy. Maybe you want to de-clutter your life, and then write this down: “I will keep what I need and donate what I can, and find a place for all that I need.” If you want to get out of debt, write this “I will pay my bills on time, and only spend money frugally.” Writing what we want makes the whole process real, and keeps us accountable to ourselves.

Most important is to concentrate on what you desire and crave and not on the opposite. Most people have trouble with New Year’s Resolutions because they concentrate on what they want to lose or change, and not on desire. We are emotionally attached to our desires and wants. Keep it simple and concentrate on what you want. Remember there are no excuses. The New Year deserves to begin with a New You with a positive attitude toward success.

Enlighten yourself

Hearing

 By Carrie Fleharty

 Hark! What do I hear?

Oh No! Oh No!

This just can’t be

This season of the year.

Do my ears deceive?

Kitchens are clanking,

Children are laughing,

Whistles from toy trains I do hear.

Looking diligently the month on the wall

I see that time has certainly marched on.

Twisting and tilting my head to hear

Tiny bells, carols and hymns become clear.

Ahhh….there is a song in the air.

The winter rose is about to bloom.

This is the season and the time of year

For goodness and light,

And peace to all.

The watching, the waiting, the anticipation,

Of the sacredness and meaning

That truly signifies so much.

As we each take time to celebrate

With friends, family and loved ones so dear.

Oh the love is ever among us.

Please let us stop;

Look up, and listen with our heart.

The meaning of Christmas will draw near.

But, in the distance….

Somewhere, somehow you just might hear,

The voice from tiny Tim saying:

“God Bless Us Every One!”

Christmas, 2011

Pick Your Path and Go

Location, Location, Location

By Carrie Fleharty

These three words are often associated with real estate buying or selling.  This time I’m making location personal.  Where are you?   What is your location?  Where are you in the realm of acquiring the desires of your heart?  Are you close?  Are you far away? 

Your answers will tell you where you are located mentally and emotionally.  If you don’t like the answers to these questions, have no fear.  This is about where you are right now, and how that’s all that is needed to have success.  Starting where you are means that right now you will be looking at options, attitudes, desires, and emotional feelings.  If you have set goals, and meant to achieve them, and didn’t, it is still OK.  Now you know that you can start where you are.

I bring this topic up because I have been listening over and over again and again to the CD from Ester and Jerry Hicks of the Teachings of Abraham from their book Ask and It is Given.  In that CD is a part that says “you know you can just start where you are, and it’s OK.”  Do you believe that you can start where you are, and that you are OK?  If you could your life can be very different.

The choices we’ve made and the paths we’ve taken has put us where we are right now.  If you feel that you aren’t where you want to be, then all you have to do is decide to change now- at this moment in time.  In essence start where you are.  Doesn’t matter what path led you to this location at this time.  Doesn’t matter if you are not what you want to be, or how you want your life.  All that matters is what your intention is upon to give you the chance to be and do whatever you want.

Decide right now that this location is fine, and the next step that is taken will be in the direction of where you want to be.  You can be, do or have anything you want or desire.  You can’t just let life take you there, you need to know what it is you want, and then focus upon that goal.  Focus and give attention to what has heart and meaning.  How?  By starting where you are.  Begin to see that life is full of abundance, and full of excitement and fun.  Draw that to you your desires by thinking and focusing upon those desires.

No matter what your location is, no matter how you feel about your situation, know that you can change to have, be and do anything that you want.  All you need to do is start where you are.  Location, location, location is key to your mental, emotional stress.  Let go of the past, and focus upon the now.  Begin to draw to you your desires, and step forward where you are to the next chapter in your life.

Hit the Bullseye by Managing Up!

Managing Yourself Up

By Carrie Fleharty

Managing up is a term I heard on the radio this morning that has taken on a new meaning in the workforce.  Truly this term is not new, and has been around during the last 50 years.  The thought came from a satirical play and now a motion picture titled How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.  Originally, the concept of managing up is not about kissing up or maneuvering up, but it’s about the relationship with you and your boss, or you and the organization (Turk, W. p. 21).  In all honesty the awareness is about bringing attention to the relationship with your boss as well as the organization and with those individuals within the organization who have different ideas.

Managing up could also just mean that you need to stretch in your thinking, in your doing, and in your working belief systems.  While working in your assigned area and the tasks assigned to you extend the tasks and enhance your department (Garone, E. Wall Street Journal).  Make the tasks more meaningful, and more enjoyable, and reach beyond the mundane effort of day in and day out routines.  Basically within that realm of making those tasks more valuable you are creating a better organization and a better relationship directly with your manager.

Another advantage to the concept of managing yourself up is the fact that you are valuing yourself within that organization.  That should promote yourself as an upstanding person and will draw attention to yourself so as to obtain a possible promotion.    The real question then becomes how does one manage yourself up?  There are very simple steps to help you manage yourself to a greater you or as this article states manage yourself up.  

Communicate, communicate and communicate some more.  This is vital to all endeavors to managing one’s own self.  Not just through verbal, but through non-verbal communication.  That means that through communication you will need to listen, and take heed to knowing how managers manage the department and know the expectations of the boss.

 Being aware, provide solutions to problems, not more problems, be honest and trustworthy in all endeavors are good ways to manage yourself up.  Other ways are to be loyal and committed to the boss, management and the mission or vision of the company, and be ever respectful and observant of the boss’ perspective, preferences and his agenda. 

Along with the above suggestions there are a few others about your own specific self.  Be sure that you also understand your own management style, and how you respond to managers.  Develop a working relationship with your manager as well as your boss.  Know your strengths and weaknesses, and learn to use these to your advantage.  Learn how best to organize yourself (Turk, W. p. 22).    

Keep your boss in the loop, and never go over his head or behind his back.   Also, keep in mind that your boss has weakness, and you might be able to offset that with a positive spin.  Request feedback before your evaluation is due; find out how well you are doing so that you can change now instead of later when it becomes too late. 

Managing up is not brownnosing, and it’s not kissing up or kissing the boss’ ***.   You are also not moving yourself into the position as the boss’ pet.  It’s helping yourself become a better worker, a better individual, and an overall better team player in the workforce that you are employed.    Managing up is a way to promote yourself as a successful individual, and to state that you are worthy of success.

References: 

Garone, Elizabeth.  What It Means to ‘Manage Up’ Wall Street Journal.  27 Sept. 2011 Retrieved From: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122511931313072047.html

Turk, Wayne.  The Art of Managing Up.  Defense AT&L.  March-April 2007 p21-24.  27 Sept. 2011  Retrieved From: http://www.uthscsa.edu/gme/documents/TheArtofManagingUp.pdf

You can be all.

Vision of Self: a Meditation

By Carrie Fleharty

Close your eyes.  Breathe in slowly and deeply, and then exhale slowly.  Release the tension of your body through your breath.  Breathe in slowly again and tell yourself that you are calm. Exhale slowly as you send your tension away with your out breath.  Breathe in again, and say to yourself “I am safe, I am secure.”  

Now more than ever you are feeling a sense of wellness and your whole being is very calm, and relaxed.  For the first time you feel this calmness and you feel centered and whole.  You will remember this feeling any time you start to feel overcome by stress.  All you need to do is to remember to breathe in three times slowly, and exhale three times slowly.  You will say to yourself on the in-breath “I am safe, I am secure.”  On the out-breath you will say “I am clam.”  Each time you do this breathing exercise you feel calmer and more secure.  You are secure.  You are safe.  You are calm.

You realize that in your state of calmness you have the ability to be whole, and be centered.  You now will be able to create within you a positive energy that only before has lived in your dreams.  You are now on your way to create more quality time with your husband, and your children.  You are now able to become more balanced in your home life, your work life, and your relationships with others.  You are now the master of your body, mind and soul.

Within this calmness a spiritual awakening is occurring.  You feel the connection to a higher power.  The name given could be God, Great Mystery, Great Spirit or whatever you feel is best.  This spiritual connection is being felt throughout your body, mind and soul every day.  With this new spiritual awakening you find yourself praying more, and believing in a higher power.  You develop a time when you pray in the morning, at lunch and just before you drop off to a deep sleep.  Praying is a natural way to release stress, and to keep your whole being calm and relaxed.

You are beginning your path to health and wellness.  You are healthy, and you are realizing that health equals energy.  You have an abundance of energy because you are taking time out each day to breathe.  You are healthy, and with this new feeling of healthiness you have more energy.  You will stay on this healthy path, and each time you have a feeling of unhealthiness you remember to breathe. 

You have extraordinary confidence, and you trust yourself to know what to do at the right time and you do it.  You believe in yourself.  You know that you can accomplish everything that you set out to do.  You have the attitude that no one can keep you from your goals.  You are a wonderful person, and you believe that you are extraordinary.  Through your calmness and balanced energy you show the world and yourself this new confidence. 

Outwardly your appearance reflects your balanced, calm self.  You have created something new and special for yourself.  You trust people more, and you draw positive energy to you.  You attract only positive people around you.  In fact people want to be near you because they sense that they can trust you.  You emit a positive energy field, and you feel good.  With this new energy you are not afraid of anything or anyone.  You are on top of the world.

Time Belongs To Us!

As I begin my pursuit of a Master’s Degree in Psychology, I found myself writing a mini paper over my time management skills.  This is not something in which I am a firm and stout believer in, and I can assure you that I have many reasons.  Of course one of those being that I do have a diagnosis of ADHD, but another one is that I find life will often step in the way of a time management planned system.  Life such as a trip to a doctor, a sudden need for a surgery from a family member or significant other, and many other life happenings.

My time management is this.  Have the due date set in stone, have an idea of how to proceed, and do everything possible to make that happen.  Learn how to compartmentalize the subjects and different areas of your life, and work towards keeping as much separate as possible.  Keep your eye on the prize.

Nothing is ours but time.  Time is: wasted or filled as in: We fill our daily lives with obligations, destinations, and people.  It’s a wonder that we humans get anything accomplished and still maintain our health.  Our lives are filled with around the clock activities and now, when one more thing like a Master’s program gets added we have to become a mathematician
or a magician to work the clock and manipulate time. Unless, we sit ourselves down and begin the process of prioritizing our goals, planning and scheduling our days with adequate support and resources.

According to Capella University’s time management expectations each course would take approximately 12-15 hours per
week to complete.  That number sounds very doable.  This is summer, and usually things are different in the summer than in the fall, winter and spring.  Many of us have children attending school, or working for the school systems which will render some time fluctuations in schedules.  The need to understand flexibility in our time management is a must.

With that knowledge in mind all of us must be aware of what our priorities are at any given time.  Our priorities will need to be flexible and sometimes shifted to other times at any given moment.  Based on the importance and urgency there are decisions and actions can change.  The time management process involves a cycle of goals setting, planning, keeping
track of progress, and evaluation of our goals.  (van Eerde, 2007).  This time management fluctuation will be used in this learner’s case as my regular public school year progresses.

The biggest challenge or obstacle oftentimes is being in balance.  Balancing your whole self, body, mind, soul, job, commitments, family, career, Capella program, and the little extra activities that crop up in a person’s life.  Some of us the biggest challenge will be our jobs.  We give 100% time, and some will oftentimes give much more.  For many others of us it’s our family that our time is most devoted.  These are challenges that must be faced.  We may find ourselves wanting to give more to one thing than the other.  But, we have made a promise to obtain a Masters’ Degree from Capella University.  We have a goal in mind, and that will hopefully keep us focused and in balance.

The most important aspect of time management is of support from spouses, partners, significant others, co-workers and most of all family.  Each individual cope and adapt differently and social support influences individuals.  These are those individuals, like us, who face stressful situations or they may provide a solution to a stressful situation (Zellers, 2007).  Through it all support, planning, scheduling, and being in balance but being flexible to change is appropriate in time management.

Be flexible, keep yourself clear and keep your purpose, goal or plan in focus and always on the plan for your life.  Time is all we have, and life will interrupt our lives at any given moment for any given reason.  The idea here is to be willing to keep yourself open to outcomes that far exceed your own manipulation and plan.  The universe sometimes has it’s own timetable.

Let the Fire of Spirit Inside Guide You

By Carrie Fleharty

Spiritually speaking living in the spirit in our daily lives is vital in helping the world be at peace.  Whether you are Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Jew, Muslim, or any of the other religions, living in the spirit helps us to maintain healthy relationships.  Imagine a world that has all people living in spirit.  Can you imagine how much the world would be different?

Let’s look at this concept in another way.  The fruit of the spirit is: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.  Just think that if everyday, and in everything we do, we use the fruit of the spirit.  If every person we come in contact with whether in business, in social settings, or in relationships we come from these fruit, then I firmly believe that conflicts would be less.

I have heard a business man tell me that he doesn’t conduct his business in a spiritual way, because that’s not the corporate way to accomplish anything.  Why not?  That is the question I want to ask.  I firmly believe that please and thank you go a long way even in the business or corporate world.  By saying please and thank aren’t you living in spirit?  Yes, and speaking or acknowledging others who are strangers in your presence as well as the principle of being kind.   The business or corporate world needs people who are willing to live in the spirit.  When conducting business a person should not take things personally, but we need to be more personable.

A new boss walked into the room the other day looking at her new surrondings.  She was replacing the old boss, and she was bringing in a whole new staff.  The staff still on duty were going to be replaced and moved to other sites.  Not once did you she say, “Hi, I’m Ms New Boss, and I’m here with some of my staff and we’re here to look at our new surroundings.”  Throughout the building she never once made contact with the older staff.  A new boss living in Spirit would have made contact, and put the older staff at ease.  A little kindness goes a long way, and how living in Spirit can be very easy.

I believe that every religious affiliation has some sort of sayings that are very similar to the Christians’ “fruit of the spirit” from Galatians 5:22-23.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control against such things there is no law.”   Living in the spirit is very important to the hectic chaotic world of today.  By living in spirit we promote joy, peace, love, harmony and many other quality characteristics that this world truly needs.  When we live by the spirit, everyone benefits, and the world becomes more balanced.

We benefit in many ways.  We become healthier and happier people.  We strike up a conversation with the cashier at the grocery store.  We smile more, and we may even sing more.  Someone asked me the other day if I lived by the spirit when I talked to my lawyer.  I said yes, he is human.  He doesn’t need the emotional baggage that I might be carrying, but he deserves to be treated as a child of God, just as you do.

Take the challenge and live by the spirit.  The world needs more people who are in touch with their spirit and spirituality as well as the Great Spirit of the Universe.  Living in spirit will have an extra benefit.  That benefit is that you  will begin to feel better in your own life. All of us are children of God, and living in the Spirit helps us live as if we truly were the Sons and Daughters of God.

Desire Is Within You

                                   Desires:  Do You Know Yours?

By Carrie Fleharty

I often find people who don’t know what they desire.  I was one of those people who didn’t know what I desired or what I wanted.  I spent most of my life searching for what I was to become, as if there was written on some tablet somewhere my destiny.  I really felt that if my desires were to be made known to me from some deity, and not from what I specifically had passions for and found pleasing.  I was in search to be someone great, but I was looking for someone to tell me what specific greatness.  Since those early floundering days of teenage hood, and my early adult life, I have learned that I am to find my own desires.  When I find my desires of my heart, then I can pursue them with passion.  Then and only then will my destiny unfold for me.

How do you find the desires of your own heart?  This is the first aspect of the “Law of Attraction.”  It’s very simple figure out what you want in life.  I suspect you might be saying, “That’s all very well, but I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know how to figure out what I want.”  I am here to help you with this very question.  I am going to set forth some guidelines in helping you find your desires, find your passions, and help you on the road to your destiny.

There are many paths to the same target.  This article will discuss two of these paths.  These paths are used by many counselors and therapists in helping others to discover their heat’s desires. 

One of the ways is to discover what you don’t want or don’t like, and make a list.  From that list make a list where the opposite becomes true.  Writing down what you would like or want becomes easier once knowing what you don’t want.  For instance; I don’t like my job.  What don’t I like about it?  I don’t like having a set schedule.  What do I want?  I want a job with a flexible schedule. 

The other system of finding out what you like or what your desires are is by asking yourself some specific questions that will help you decide your desires.  This list is not all inclusive, but it can give you a place to start.

SPECIFIC QUESTIONS:

• What is one subject that you enjoy learning about and talking about for hours at a time?
• What types of hobbies do you enjoy?  Do any of these involve working a lot with other people?
• What do you enjoy doing for others?
• What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
• If money wasn’t a problem, what would you do?
• What do you dream about?  What have you dreamed about doing, but never told anyone?
• Do you fantasize in the car driving or in the shower?  What do you fantasize about?
• Have you labeled yourself?  Have you pigeonholed yourself into being the person you are at work? At home?  (Roles like mother, father, co-worker, teacher, worker bee…)
• What kinds of things did you love as a child?  What did you dream about being when you were a child?
• List five things that you want.  List five things that you are very good at.  Is there any difference between the two?
• What drives you, and gives you satisfaction?
• What would you regret not doing if your life was about to end.

These questions can help shed light upon your wants and desires.  This life right now is to be lived fully and completely.  By finding out your desires, passions and wants will help you to live the best life possible.  Do you want to create your wonderful life?  Or do you want to wallow in the muck and mire of just doing what you need to do.  Find your passion, your desires, and life will come at you faster than a speeding bullet.

By Carrie Fleharty

The feeling of being overwhelmed may be caused by having many decisions, many directions and many paths to choose, and each path has good points.  Frustration sets in, and we have no clue which direction to take or which path to choose.  More often than not, we don’t choose any of the options.  We sit and wonder about the “What if’s” of each of them.  The “what if’s” only make us sink further in the muck and mire of indecision. 

There is a famous quote that has been passed around for many generations.  “Not to decide is to decide.”  As we wallow in our indecisions we have let the fact that we chose not to decide choose our fate.  Then we sit, complain and get angry about how our life is a big bag of trash.  Is that truly the way you would want the choices for your life to be handled?  Don’t you want a slice of the good life?  The good life is planned.  The good life is based on the decisions and choices you make; not by the indecisions you don’t make. 

To avoid the non-decision to make your decision a plan of some sort must take place.  Usually that plan involves what you truly want and desire.  This should be always in the front of your mind.  One miss-placed step or one indecision can cause a derailment in your plan for your future and wellbeing.  No matter how big or how small an insignificant that indecision may be.   

When you have too many paths; too many forks in the road let’s figure out how to decide to make a choice that’s best for you.  There are some steps to take that will help you make a good decision.  Usually the paths are there, and each of them will provide you with a good choice.  That is usually what causes an indecision.  Lay out all the choices, the paths that are available for your choosing, and keep your eye on the desires of your heart.

The Steps: 

1. Write down each choice or path available for your choosing on a separate piece of paper.
2. Draw a line down the center making two columns for each paper.
3. Write on the top of the left column Pros, and on the right column write Cons.
4. Now for each path list the pros and cons for each path.
5. Once finished gather all the papers and begin to read and rank them from 1-5 with one being the best and 5 being the worst.
6. After ranking what three stand out with the higher ranks, and pull them out and study them.
7. Ask the question which path will allow me the best possible result in obtaining the desires of my heart. 
8. Now you should have enough information to make a good decision based on knowledge and not just based on indecision.   

I am considering adding a degree to my resume.  I believe that I could teach some of these coaching classes as either community education classes or College remedial or University remedial classes.  The only way I am able to teach at a higher level institution is if I have a masters’ degree in Psychology or a Doctorate in Psychology.  I am writing this article because I am doing the very steps I’ve laid out for you.  The pros and cons have been listed, and the rankings have been made.  By doing those steps I helped myself understand some important aspects of each of the degree programs.  I will probably enroll in the Masters’ degree program according to the rankings on my papers.  These steps I’ve laid before you work.  The best things in life are those that keep the desires of your heart close in your mind, in your thoughts and in the choices you make.  One indecision can cause a major upheaval in your future plans.  Find your direction.  Keep pointing yourself in that direction and stay on the path that will deliver you to your hearts desire.

Uhhh...So many choices

Embrace Yourself

Being true to you is the most ideal aspect of being a whole person.  Sometimes, the roles we play every day get in our way of being true to ourselves.  Roles are those specific titles we give ourselves throughout the day such as: father, mother, worker, professor, teacher, accountant, doctor, friend, husband, wife, sister, brother, aunt, uncle and etc…  Those roles are not really who we are, but who we are at that particular moment.  We can stereotype ourselves, or we can say, I am who I am.  I am the creation God made me to be, and I am made in God’s image.

This past week I woke up early one morning to discover that I had let myself get too involved in my day job.  I had been forgetting a major portion of who I was, and who I am.  Without realizing I was slowly letting my work take over my life, and I was developing into a world that was all work, and leaving no room for enjoyment of the most basic aspect of myself.  I had let myself stay away from my lesbianism, my homosexuality.  I guess I thought at some point that if I kept myself busy with my work, then it just wouldn’t matter. 

All of life matters and my lesbianism matters.  I was slipping into my own little bubble of a world.  The very nature of my being was being left at the train station, and I was on the train toward the coast.  Upon this realization I had to get off of the next station take another train back and pick up that part of myself that I left behind.  I have her, and now I’m waiting on the next train.  Hopefully with this train I can keep myself integrated and whole.

We cannot leave ourselves behind in any endeavor.  We must learn to live wholly and fully integrated lest we begin compartmentalizing our minds.  This compartmentalizing can be detrimental to our health.  I tend to live my life without thinking about who I am, and how different I am among the people I work with and live amongst.  I think that I can just bury myself in my work and be invisible.  To some degree I believe that life should just go on its merry way without me having to do anything to honor the side of me that is different.  Guess what?  For me to be whole, I must embrace all of who I am and all I do.  I am not just the roles I play at any given moment of the day.

Each of us has our own demons and parts of ourselves to bare and honor.  I am here to encourage all of us to embrace all of who we are, and acknowledge all we are and honor ourselves.  Living without honor is like living in hell.  The life that we lead without honor has no purpose, and ends up being a lie to all those we hold near and dear to our hearts.  Take time and embrace all that you are.

Today, I am seeking with my total self a life full of truth, honor, dignity and integrity.  I feel that is the only way I can achieve a sense of wholeness.  I seem to have lost that sense in the past few months.  Now, it is time to embrace all of me, and begin to open doors that I have been afraid to open.  I am who I am.  I do not have to explain my right to be…to live…to love.  I am me.